We all accept the love we think we deserve.
Which is why maybe you always pick friends who would never put the same effort that you do. Who would forget that you existed. Who would be okay completely if you weren’t there. Who would only need you around to not feel guilty. But which is also why you stop trying eventually. You stop calling, stop texting, stop yourself from caring. And then you have no one. You are alone. Nobody to call and text when you’re in the middle of a breakdown — the people that seemed to be everything are suddenly nothing. Time, space, things came in between and suddenly all you are facing is your dark bedroom wall all utterly alone. So lonely. So very lonely. You wish you had a best friend, a soulmate, something that couldn’t be damaged by external forces like parents or distance or your own pathetic words and actions. You wish someone cared so much that they refused to let you go, refused to move away, slip away when you couldn’t keep up, someone who would tell you — stop being distant I’m not leaving you. I care about you. Someone who will take the first step to say that you are wanted in their life. That they do not want to live without you next to them. You don’t want a boyfriend. No you don’t want to kiss someone, or have someone buy you gifts and take you places. Not really. You want the other things, the simple things. You want the eyes telling you to stay, you want to gaze stars together in silence, you want to hug so tight that it finally fills that void of never having truly felt comforted. You want to smile because you made someone happy, happy just because you’re there with them. You want to be wanted. You don’t want someone to be obsessed with you, no, obsession is wrong, you want to be loved. Loved in the way that when you’re upset someone looks at you in the crowd of happy faces and raises their eyebrow asking you if you’re okay, loved in the way that someone just sits next to you in silence and not tell you to talk but just listen to each other’s breath and be happy that you have someone. You want to be loved, truly, you want to be cherished. And maybe that’s selfish, maybe that is asking for way too much and you wish it was easy to find that. You wish you didn’t have to be so patient.
You wish so much only to feel loved.
Poetry.inc 